Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize