She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
