I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
