My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
