garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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