My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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