sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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