Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
