Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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