I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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