I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
