Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
