it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
