I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
