i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
