Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
