dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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