Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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