Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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