So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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