Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
