Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
