Cold hands, warm shart.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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