I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that's an acceptable place to lick
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize