would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
