hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
