as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
