Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
