Nicole vs. Life
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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