glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
