if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
