I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
