the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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