When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize