i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I believe in your delicious
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
