get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
