is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
