i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
