Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
