I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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