i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
