question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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