It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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