just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
