I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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