Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
