3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
