My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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