Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
