Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
