I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
