"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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