you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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