Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
