ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
