How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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