I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
