I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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