I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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