i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
