I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
