Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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