dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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