Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
