sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
