is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Houston, we have a squirter
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
